This blog is inspired by Jim's most recent post-"Reinforcements".  I need to take a moment to paint a picture for
you.  Eight years ago I came out of another abusive marriage, this one even more abusive and twisted than my
first.  I was very wounded, disillusioned, angry and broken and my ability to trust was pretty much obliterated
by years of being beaten down and betrayed.  This wasn't the first time in my life that I had suffered at the
hands of someone parading around under the guise of love to use and manipulate to meet their twisted needs. 
Seems as if this was a pattern in my life, that started as a child.  I had finally had enough and I resolved to never
let it happen again…no one was going to hurt me anymore.  I walled myself off behind a barricade that equaled
Fort Knox.  All of the pain that I had endured balled up into a deep lie that no one could be trusted, especially
men. It is funny now that I look back and realize that in my mind God was also viewed as a man.  I don't want
to admit this to you because I am ashamed of how twisted my mind was but I feel as if I have to be brutally
honest here…I dumped the Mighty Lord and Savior of the world into the same category as child molesters and
abusers.  My heart turned cold and I stopped turning to Him.  I still went through the motions of organized
religion…went to church and did all those things that I felt like I was suppose to do, but alone in my life, my
bible got dusty and my prayers were replaced by silence.  I no longer believed that God cared and He certainly
could not be trusted. I was willing to just accept this and survive life the best I could; but God wasn't quite so
willing to let me go that easy.

One day in the midst of all this, here comes Jim prancing into my life (who reassures me that even had he
known what he was up against at the time, he still would have not run away screaming).  He doesn't just come
in quietly and gently asking permission to be there…he comes in with a battering ram equal to that of an FBI
swat team and starts whacking away at my Fort Knox walls.  He comes in with promises that I just simply don't
believe.  He comes in with a song…a song that makes me want so desperately to believe in him and the
promises that seem to good too be true…a promise to stand by me and protect me and love me no matter what.  I
wish that I could say that I chose to trust and believe again and the last seven years were blissful moments of
complete openness to those promises.  Wouldn't that be a nice story?  Quite the contrary actually.  I did allow
Jim into my life but he had to work very hard to get into my heart and I am still amazed to find places that he
hasn't been allowed into.  That never deterred him though.  Even today he sometimes pulls out the battering
ram and warns me that he isn't above using it.  He wants it all and will not settle for less.

Eight years ago, my heart believed that God had forsaken me.  Ya' know, what I deserved back then was for
God to get angry with my lack of faith and my ignorance.  What I got was such love, grace and mercy from a
God that loves me so much that even in my rebellion He delivered to me someone that I could believe in, that
whole Jesus with skin on thing.  He knew that I couldn't trust Him, so in His love, He came to me through the
skin of my husband to nurture and love me back to Him.  God wanted it all and would not settle for less.

The song that Jim gave me seven years ago and all that I have received through Jim since has been God
speaking to me and loving me in a way that I could accept it.  I turned my back on God but He would not let me
go…He used a man to heal my wounds and teach me that I could trust again…to show me that He did not
forsake me and that He will always stand by me.

I humbly thank you Jim for letting God use you to reach me.  I thank you for being that mighty warrior for God.  I
am sorry for the times that you have been wounded in the battle.  Thank you for never retreating.

Above all I thank God that He loves me so deeply that He will stop at nothing to reach me, even when I am lost.
I thank God that He ministers to us in ways that we can understand.  God has brought me full circle back to
Him, back to believing in Him, trusting in Him and turning to Him.  All in all that's a pretty nice story too.